Got a toothbrush?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
