Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
