Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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