Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
