you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
