If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
