I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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