dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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