So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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