I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
