we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
