your parents love me but you hate me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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