I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
