M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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