I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
