I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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