I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
