he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
