porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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