Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
