the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
