Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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