It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
