my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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