I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she woke up with a sticky ear
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
