Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
