I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
