do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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