Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
