So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
