So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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