the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
