Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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