here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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