I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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