i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
