YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
