I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
