Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
