i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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