hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
bring money and cleavage
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
