why didn't you poke me back
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
