Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
