I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
