If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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