just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
