Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
