Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
