I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
