Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
What a dumb baby whore.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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