i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
