Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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