oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
