this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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