Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
